Focusing on Goodness

True, I haven’t been writing here nearly as much as I would like to. This is due to several reasons; much of it may be because I’m not a champion in the important discipline of being organized. I have yet to learn to use my time more efficiently so as to get all of my work (jobs & household) done and have more time for family, friends and things I like to do, such as reading, writing or learning to play the flute.

Another reason is also my failing health. I’ve been having issues for years, but the last months have been rather intense – seeing doctors, going to hospital a few times, x-rays and MRI’s. Now I got a diagnosis, and yesterday I got new meds in addition to the ones I have to take already.

I’ve been slowly getting fed up with seeing doctors, and when I looked at all the meds I have to take now during the day, I felt like crying. I don’t want to have to take all this stuff. Yet at the same time I reminded myself to be grateful. I am blessed: I’m living in a country where I have health insurance and access to doctors and medication. Even if sometimes it is expensive, I do have access and get what I need. Many people in the world don’t have that – either because there simply aren’t any doctors and meds available, or because they can’t afford it. Friends from the U.S. come to mind.

With the diagnosis (nothing fatal, I assure you; yet, chronic) I am something between worried and scared about how my future will be and, that of my family. I am afraid of becoming burden one day. I am afraid of disappointing others because I am not as strong and alert as I used to be.

I started reading a great little book a couple of days ago. The title right out caught my attention: Facing Illness, Finding God (How Judaism can help You and Caregivers cope when Body or Spirit fails), by Rabbi Joseph Meszler.

So far, it has been a good and easy read – nothing world-shaking or deeply theological, but practical advice that can literally make the difference in day-to-day living.  In one short chapter, he underlies the importance of the idea that disease happens because we’re living in an imperfect world, and not because we sinned in some way, and that the illness would be consequence or punishment for sin; or that we, in some way, deserve our disease, knowingly or unknowingly. This chapter touched me deeply, that I have yet to integrate its message – after yearlong “indoctrination” my gut reaction to things going bad is to wonder what I have done wrong and why I deserve what is happening.

Another point is accepting help when you need it. I have no problems with helping others, but am easily embarrassed when I need help. And if my illness will keep progressing the way it does, I will need help sooner or later. Needing help and accepting help actually takes as much strength as helping, and is nothing to be ashamed of.

“Complete healing is as much about completeness as it is about healing”. Seen this way, even if there is no healing to my affection, I can be complete the way I am. Being sick doesn’t diminish me – even though physically, I may often feel diminished – it doesn’t take away an inch of my dignity. I was created “good” and remain so. Though it is legit to be sad, and even angry about what is happening and needing to mourn certain things and activities, Rabbi Meszler stresses that stinking thinking and bitterness are not an option; rather, this formidable pair risks to invade and color every part of my life: “Trying to focus on goodness and what we love, even when things are bad, can create a sense of uplift”.

Call to Action

I love reading, but recently I’m getting enough time to read as much as I’d like to. However, I just finished reading “Son of David – Healing the Vision of the Messianic Jewish Movement” by Rabbi Stuart Dauermann. My review may be a bit biased because Rabbi Dauermann is one of my favourite scholars, but I think this book is very important and timely.

This book, despite being little, has a lot to say. It is written in a clear and accessible yet knowlegeable style, and one can feel Rabbi Dauermann’s engagement and passion for Judaism and longing for a renewal of the Messianic Jewish Congregational Movement.

This book is a wake-up call that defines clearly the mission and the vision that Rabbi Dauermann has for this movement. In the first part of the book, Rabbi Dauermann describes two blind spots of the Church and the Messianic Jewish Movement respectively; in the second part, he helps the reader to understand Yeshua as the Son of David as well as the different covenants from the abrahamic to the new covenant, including the davidic covenant and their intrinsic unity. The third part tackles the question of the davidic office of Yeshua and the importance of serving the Son of David now (and not in some distant future). In the last part of the book Rabbi Dauermann proposes six steps toward rightly serving the Son of David now, centered around jewish covenantal identity.

I consider this book a must-read for all within the Messianic Jewish Movement or those interested in it: Messianc Jews, non-messianic Jews, Christians…  Don’t let the shortness of the book fool you, there is a lot to be pondered (and put into action!) in it.

Hopefully I’ll get the time to blog about the one or other point I found really important and need to think about more – thinking that leads to action. Here is a link to Rabbi Dauermann’s blog: The Messianic Agenda.

Thank you, Rabbi Dauermann!

Syria and my front door

I wanted to write something about ecology and protecting the environment – but after having read an article about Syria, talking about trees and birds doesn’t seem the right thing (even though it is something important as well!).

This civil war has been going on for so long that people have gotten used to it, maybe even annoyed when hearing about it in the news – it isn’t news anymore. We take note of the number of victims the same way we take note about the latest football scores, or the weather forecast. Though the weather forecast probably gets more people talking.

I am guilty of the same things. It is not that I am indifferent, but then again, I am caught up in my own problems. And there is the frustration of not being able to really do something. And even if I was in Syria, would I have the courage, or would I have the courage to go there to help if I had the opportunity? Honestly, probably not. And probably the most of us don’t have that courage.

Yet there are little things that I can do, that any of us is able to do. Quilting blankets to send them to the victims, filling food and necessity buckets for those in need, vote against the right-wing party’s plans to admit more refugees into our country, pray for them.

Just the same, I should value more the freedom and good life I have here, and treat those around me accordingly. I may not use weapons, but sometimes I direct words at people, and these words can be weapons.

“Seeing the crowds, Yeshua walked up the hill. After he sat down, his talmidim came to him,  and he began to speak. This is what he taught them: … ²¹ “You have heard that our fathers were told, ‘Do not murder,’ and that anyone who commits murder will be subject to judgment. ²² But I tell you that anyone who nurses anger against his brother will be subject to judgment; that whoever calls his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing!’ will be brought before the Sanhedrin; that whoever says, ‘Fool!’ incurs the penalty of burning in the fire of Gei-Hinnom! ²³ So if you are offering your gift at the Temple altar and you remember there that your brother has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift where it is by the altar, and go, make peace with your brother. Then come back and offer your gift.“ (Matthew 5)

There are a thousand ways to kill someone – physically killing someone is just one way amongst others. Words are actions that can hurt and kill just as much – but how do we go about to bring life and healing with our words? Through reconciling with that person; by making that person my brother (or sister) – the one with whom I can be at peace because we are children of the same Father.

The “Do not murder” is an imperative – and not an option. It is an imperative, a command, because it is necessary to command; so often, my tongues and my thoughts wander, and if I let them go, they can hurt. Sometimes just little things – but that hurt like paper cuts.

LORD,
your command “Do not kill!”
becomes the command “Go, make peace with your brother!”
becomes the command of loving my neighbor,
to not to fear getting up
and meeting the other,
to take the other as serious as myself
and to consider him as the image of God that he is
LORD,
when I will have seen Your face in his,
than I shall come back
and offer my gift.

Love & Holiness

Rules, rules, and even more rules ! Some may seem distant and not very intelligible for the modern reader, but actually they are all concerned with holiness and with love – love for the neighbor and love for God – two things that have very much to do with everyday living.

Many of the laws of the holiness code are for the priests and the levites and their service in the sanctuary, but many of the laws concern the entire people – they are for everybody. This is something unique! Holiness is not the prerogative of a few elect or a spiritual elite – it is within the reach of everybody, within your and my reach.

But what is holiness? It is not always easy to say what the word means. It can be found many times in the Bible, and in all sorts of spiritual books; in our prayers we proclaim that God is holy, and we know that we are called to be a holy nation.

What do you think about when you think of a ‘holy person’? Do you think of Hasidic Jews, ou monks and nuns, or someone with a special gift or charisma? Parashat Kedoshim tell us what holiness is.

Every Day

ADONAI is my shepherd,
I shall always see Him
I shall always feel His arms around me,
and His hand that guides me

ADONAI is my shepherd
even though I walk through the valley of uncertainties and worries
His Torah shall always be my guise,
set before the eyes of my heart

ADONAI is my shepherd
the One who will never leave me
who will never slumber
in whom I put my trust

ADONAI is my shepherd
even though my eyes may fail one day
even though my hands will lack strength
His goodness shall be besides me

Every Day.

Time not wasted.

Don’t withhold good from someone entitled to it when you have in your hand the power to do it. Don’t tell your neighbor, “Go away! Come another time; I’ll give it to you tomorrow,” when you have it now.
(Proverbs 3:27-28)

My son is learning the French horn (as a rather small 7-year-old, he is just able to hold the instrument and play it, you should see him! When playing, he is as serious as if he was already playing in a philharmonic orchestra…), and much of the time he is quite enthusiastic about it. But when he likes even more is musical theory, solfege. They have one lesson every week and I accompany him, waiting for him in a small adjacent room.

And then, one day, he was there. He is the father of another boy taking lessons there. I was busy working on my laptop (between work and preparing an exam I was happy for every spare minute I could find to get some work done), he was just sitting there and looking at me. From his clothes and demeanor I could tell that he wasn’t very well to-do; they had probably scraped together each cent to able to pay these lessons to their son – which in my eyes is admirable. Anyhow, he turned to me, suddenly saying: « I am sorry if my presence disturbs you, you certainly have more important things to do ».

The Bread of Affliction

If anyone wonders why Matzah is called the « bread of affliction », they have never had to eat Matzah for 8 days… It tastes like cardboard, and I suppose that its nutritional value is about the same. And if you put, like me, a little bit too much white Maror on it, it really is unique experience. It almost made my hair fall out.

But hey, that’s one of the things you do at Pesach – eat matzah.

And suddenly, lots of things seem very appealing, and walking through the stores I mostly see what I can’t eat right now. Funny how most snacks have flour and/or grains in them. Hello Chametz, how are you doing these days? I for one am hungry right now.

This bread, Matzah, is something so simple and at the same time, something so very sophisticated. It is the bread of the slave and the bread of the free man.

It is the bread of affliction, because it is the bread of the slaves. It is the bread we ate as slaves in Egypt, and it is the bread eaten by all those who are still slaves today: humbled, downtrodden, not allowed and not able to rise above their condition. Sometimes the slavery is obvious, sometimes it is not; it is hidden behind the soft and risen bread, and the meat of Egypt. We can become slaves to all those goodies that surround us, and that can become so indispensable, so important. Then, we need the simplicity of Matzah.